The Origin of the Acceptable Slut

How I came to terms with my inner slut.

I was a slut in high school. 

Actually, my “slutty” behavior began before I reached the 9th grade. My reputation of being easy, of losing my virginity when I was 14 superseded me. Girls at my feeder high school already had a problem with me before I even began attending it. 

I want to preface this by saying that I hate shaming, derogatory words about a woman’s sexuality. Slut was one in particular that stung quite a bit when I would hear it being used in reference to me. I don’t believe in accusing someone of being of a lesser moral ground because of the consensual, sexual activities they choose to participate in.

But, I had no way to articulate this when I was 14. Even if I did, I’m sure the fellow 14 and 15 year olds around me wouldn’t be able to wrap their little brains around the concept. 

When I first came across Slutever, authored by Karley Sciortino, I was absolutely scandalized. It was a blog post that came across my Tumblr feed titled “Storytelling”. It was about how Karley, with her loyal internet following, was going through a breakup. Although she was already exploring her sexuality, her desires, and the desires that aren’t spoken about so much in a public forum, the breakup would be the catalyst for a wilder, more unhinged chapter of her book. Two stories illustrated this new phase of her life: having accidental group sex alongside her best friend and two men she had just met, and her experience dating a woman for the first time. 

By now, I was 16. I knew that the only reprieve from my reputation as a slut was to move away from my midsized hometown and start over again, where no one would know who I was or when I lost my virginity. I could just be me. 

My initial reaction to reading Karley Sciortino’s blog, and eventually, watching the VICE series she hosted with the same title, was to separate myself from the label. “I’m not actually a slut, see? I’m not having accidental group sex or letting my friend-with-benefits pimp me out to their friends, with no pay.” 

karly, via vogue

As I got more into her content, watching her interview disabled folks who engage with sex workers, and those sex workers, or try out the “boyfriend experience” in Japan, I realized that being a slut wasn’t the nail in the social or moral coffin that I thought it was. Of course, at the same time I was aging and maturing. Although 18 year old me didn't know much, I did know that the people who I actually wanted in my life didn’t care how many guys I’ve slept with. 

Even more than that, Karley Sciortino’s work with Slutever and eventually, Vogue, lead me to this comforting fact of life: sex is fun. Sex is awkward, humourous, adventurous, intimate, a gateway to the soul, a creative expression, everything above. Sex is what makes us living, breathing creatures. Any connotations attached to it were simply made up by institutions of religion and misogyny. 

I’d like to think that I wasn’t alone in this sexual-liberation by proxy. Reading Karley Scioritino’s pieces felt like I was confiding in a close friend. The only difference was that her blogs and VICE appearances were void of judgement. I could ask things like “Is it ever okay to sleep with my ex?” without the glares and eyerolls that I’d get from a real life friend who was tired of hearing about me running back to my toxic ex-boyfriend for the nth time. 

I see remnants of Slutever in my mid-twenties life now. I spent time whilst in university being a sugar baby, a growing trend of young women who have relations with older, wealthier men willing to compensate them for their time. My attitude towards sex and kink positivity that drew me to working at Feeld came from watching Karley explore abduction and latex kinks with a curiosity that was earnest. If I open up TikTok, I’ll often see “a day in the life” type videos from sex workers. There’s a Netflix series called How to Build a Sex Room. Karley Sciortino has been writing and publishing her sexcapades, exploring the stories of others since 2009, before it was trendy or acceptable to share such details in public. 

Karley Sciortino walked, so that the sluts of today can run. For that, I am thankful.

This is the final essay I’ve written as part of the Write of Passage Cohort 11. Thank you to everyone who has given my feedback, edits, support, and love along the way!