having a "touch grass" summer

and, did i stop myself from dreaming at some point?

i’m back from my hiatus. it wasn’t an intentional one, i just suddenly felt like i had nothing to say, nothing to share, and wanted to look inward instead of sharing outward.

quick updates: i’m still working at cority which i’m thoroughly enjoying. i teach yoga occasionally in and around town— the next time i’m teaching will be this thursday at midtown yoga for the lunch time yin class! i got a corgi puppy back in april, who is happy and healthy. i kept up with running all through the winter and continue to run, prepping for my 3rd detroit free press international half this october.

i’ll be covering:

• a little road trip from sf to portland, and back

• california dreaming

• what is a “touch grass” summer?

• things i’m reading, listening to, watching, etc.

• photo updates!

in january of 2020, i hiked a volcano in guatemala.

i’ve hiked a lot of volcanos in my day, considering central america is lousy with them. but, volcan acatanango isn’t just any other volcano. one must summit 3900 metres (the height of the empire state building, x3) over the course of the day, and camp out overnight to take in the views of a neighbouring, active volcano.

as per the tour company’s instructions, hikers meet the night before for a trip brief: what to bring, what to expect, how to prepare, and of course, a little meet and greet of your fellow hikers. folks from wales, norway, the u.s, canadians, australians, all said their names, how long they’re traveling for, and what their outdoorsing backgrounds were. a tall, tanned guy introduced himself and said he’s from guatemala, but he lives in the bay area, and it would be his third time hiking this volcano.

when we started the hike the next day, i was riddled with altitude sickness. a week earlier, myself and my entire family were coughing like we smoked a pack of darts a day (and i suspect we had covid before we knew what covid was). i was out of shape, suffering, rolling my eyes thinking about this guy who chose to do this hike three times!!! at our first water break he offered me a banana and some kind words of encouragement.

we completed the camp and hike exchanging some friendly words to each other, but me, being an optimistic 22 year old with an overly romantic view of the world, felt very keen on continuing the conversation beyond the hike. which we did, throughout my 3 months of backpacking through central and south america, and throughout COVID lockdowns, and throughout my 1.5 year relationship with my ex boyfriend. and until now.

and that’s how i ended up in san francisco with him, 4 years after we met, embarking on a road trip to portland. the trip was 4 years in the making, lots of fantasizing and longing gazes from across the interwebs. yet another trip i wouldn’t have been able to embark on should i have been in a traditional monogamous relationship.

did i stop dreaming at some point?

depending on the perspective, i really feel like i’ve built my dream life. my relationship with boyfriend is beyond anything i could have imagined for myself. we have a perfect, cute little pup who drives me mad. i have a stable job, a supportive manager, i’m happy and healthy, and most of my friends are within arms length.

but before all of this was my dream of moving to california, which i got to live out in 2019 when i was interning there. and after my internship, but during my graduation trip, i was presented with the offer to move to colorado (close enough) to work in a real estate marketing agency, an offer i took up with enthusiasm, once my travels were finished, of course.

and then COVID happened, and the commercial real estate market dried up for a bit, and then i moved back to my college town, and then i met my ex-boyfriend, who i thought was going to be my be all and end all, who always said, “why would anyone ever want to leave canada?” when i would fantasize about traveling or moving overseas.

i loved living in san francisco. i thought it was a beautiful little (big) city with people who were my age and beyond, working in my field of work, politically aligned with me, and filled with pretty much any amount of fun i could dream of. i spent many weekends taking a $5 uber pool to the beach after picking up some snacks and a book for myself. i’d watch the ocean and the golden gate bridge, the occasional nude man because of the nude beach in proximity. taking my visitors to sausalito and muir woods never got old to me.

and with everything happening in the world and with my relationship i just threw that dream away and forgot it ever existed. until i found myself drowning in the little downtown neighbourhood i live in now, up the street from where i lived with my ex boyfriend.

as i was wrapping up my road trip with guatemalan-california-volcano guy, driving through fern canyon and gold bluff’s beach, i started crying. as much as i love my little home here in kitchener, i just feel like i need more for myself. i need to be by the ocean, i need to be around people who inspire my, i need to be outside and in the woods and touching grass.

then i came home to canada and promptly told boyfriend that i want to move. instead of packing up our bags and making such a drastic change right away, he proposed a trial run. first, we settled on vancouver. it’s on the ocean! it’s in canada! and then he said, “what if we move there and you realize you don’t like it? what if you realize you’re not really happy anywhere?” and i said that i was pretty happy living in san francisco. it had everything i could ask for in a city. and after i raved about it for 10 minutes, he said, “why don’t we just do our trial there then?”.

so here i am, allowing myself to dream, yet again. those who fled the bay and naysayers and the waterloo-ers who moved from sf to nyc, shush. let me live my life. i’ll run the freep in october and celebrate the holidays here at home. after that… who knows where me/boyfriend/monty our corgi will be!

what is a “touch grass”** summer?

it’s living life instead of watching people live life through various sized screens. i’m reducing my social media time and when i reach for my phone, i hear my yoga teacher’s voice saying “go look at a plant or something”, which i have lots of in my home.

we’ve been blessed with wonderful weather lately, barring the aftermath of hurricane beryl last week. i can take my dog outside, watch him roll around in the grass, interact with humans, breath fresh air, see friends, cook food, eat food, watch birds. i can read a book instead of watching a tiktoker review books. i just want to be out and about in the world. half-day fridays at cority further my goal of continuing to touch grass.

** if you’re not chronically online, “go touch grass” is a phrase one uses to tell someone else who is clearly out of touch with the “real world”.

thing’s i’m reading, watching, listening to

am i allowed to admit i haven’t been watching much? i think it makes shows that i do watch that much better. so, in the last 3-4 months, my standouts are:

• baby reindeer (the netflix series) — please, please, please watch this. i thought it provided such a nuanced and complex view of sexual assault, of mental illness, and sexuality

• the ultimatum south africa — maybe the messiest reality show i’ve seen as of late.

books (and audio books)

• rental person who does nothing: a memoir - shoji morimoto. dry, funny, easy to read. enjoyable little bites that drive some intrigue

• how should a person be? by sheila heti. i think i’ve always wondered how people are supposed to be, or how everyone just.. knows how to be. this book was very relatable for me, and tortured and sexual but not in a smut-y way.

• good energy: the surprising connection between metabolism and limitless health. currently working through this audio book, and it’s so informative. i don’t think i have much more commentary on it than that.

what’s next?

running, enjoying the summertime, cottage, cooking yummy seasonal foods. hanging out with friends, walking my dog, another trip out to san francisco for labor day weekend. let’s combine two or more of these things and hangout!

pictured above: a family pic, lot’s of monty growing up, monty’s first backcountry camping trip! mother’s day with my lovely mum, pics from coastal oregon, a hockey game in march, and a snapshot of the burlesque troupe performance i participated in.