August 2023 Stand-up
au revoir, adios, goodbye, summer!
I always hate saying goodbye to summer. While I love to leave the country frequently and for long periods of time, I make it a point to be home in Canada for the summer months. The days are so long, with last light being close to 10pm some days. The weather is perfect, and everyone and everything is bustling with energy. It’s camping, cottaging, outdoor running, s’mores, barbecuing, berry, and stone-fruit season. It’s simply perfection.
July was about getting reacquainted with and re-romantasizing my routine. August was about being tactical, planning my moves, understanding the paths in front of me.
In this newsletter, I’ll cover:
Big announcement!!!!
Doing the “hard” thing
What I’m listening to, reading, and eating
Planning and plotting for September
I’m publishing my creative writing.
This is something I’ve been planning and agonizing over since I stopped working full-time at the end of May. I pictured myself writing draft after draft and eventually publishing it during my time in Nicaragua in June, which obviously did not happen. But now, it’s here: Open Roads. Every two weeks or so I’ll be publishing essays. I got 8 subscribers from just my intro, and they don’t even know me personally!!!
I’ve been mulling over publishing something like this for years now. At first, it was supposed to be letters to boys I met whilst traveling. But, that felt one-dimensional and done before, and I don’t think I felt quite ready for it emotionally. The idea has undergone a few versions: a novel/autobiography concept, singular instalments, and now, they are essays. And not just about boys I loved, boys I met traveling, not smutty, not weird YA vibes. It’s beyond the labels that I can put on anything, really.
Here’s an excerpt from the intro page that gives you some insight into what it’s about:
Of course, it seems so much easier to just follow the rules set out for us and to not question them at all. It’s less painful, there’s less resistance, and frankly, there’s less thought that goes into it. But, what does that life mean for us, then? Doesn’t it mean that there are paths, trails, and roads we didn’t go down, because we didn’t think we should? Doesn’t it mean that there are paths, trails, and roads we didn’t even know existed? Human connection is at the root of all that we do, and all that drives us. So, when we limit what we should make of the different humans in our lives, we’re limiting ourselves from exploring the unknown.
The prospect of the unknown is fucking scary to some, as it should be. It’s still scary, even for me. But it’s freeing, exciting, and feels full. It feels like I used to look at the world and the people in it and see good and bad, wrong and right, worth investing in, or not, black and white. Now, it’s like I see a multitude of colors: purples, blues, reds, greens, and all of their different shades and hues, and acknowledging that I couldn’t possibly conceive of every single variation of those shades and hues. So, for now, I’m shamelessly thankful, for the shades and hues and paths and trails and roads that I have come to know, that have led me to where and who I am now. I’m shamelessly curious about the shades and hues and paths and trails and roads that I could explore.
Open Roads is a series of essays about the people who loved me, who I’ve loved, who I’ve hurt, who’ve hurt me, who taught me various lessons about this world I would never learn myself. It’s about lovers I’ve had, and become intimately involved with, and friends who would go on to accompany me for some duration of time in this crazy life. It’s about all of the roads I’ve gone down and veered away from to get to where I am now.
If you click here, you can subscribe and get these essays directly to your inbox. I appreciate it very much, my early adopters ❤️
Doing the “hard” thing
Like I said earlier, July was about getting back into the routine and appreciating it. August was more about turning it up a notch, and going beyond the standard operating procedure for me. After a really enjoyable and wonderful backcountry camping trip at the beginning of the month with my best friends, I wrote in my journal that I want my life to “be the sum of all of the difficult things I’ve done”. I want my body to reflect the hard work of running, training, and yoga I do. I want my career and creative endeavours to reflect hard work, perseverance, collaboration, editing, thoughtfulness, and beyond. I want my relationships with my friends, family, and romantic partners to feel fulfilling and fruitful, like I get to enjoy the returns on investment of time, care, and love.
Sometimes, what I really want to do is smoke a lot of weed and melt my brain with endless scrolling on TikTok, playing video games, or watching Netflix. The mere thought of leaving my apartment to get groceries or booze is paralyzing. Seeing friends? Definitely out of the question. Sometimes, I can’t even bring myself to talk and engage with my boyfriend, choosing to lay beside him in bed crying silently from the overwhelm of it all. These all seem like the “easier” thing to do— and maybe for a moment, an hour, or a day, it is easier. But it doesn’t take very long for this to become the “hard” thing, when the feelings of isolation, loneliness, discontentment, and boredom set in.
That’s what I kept reminding myself this month. That the hard thing of getting up in the morning to work out, going on a 10K run, meeting new people, seeing my friends, writing, working, applying to gigs— isn’t actually the “hard” thing, even if it feels like it in the moment. It’s not the “easy” thing either, it’s just the best thing, the thing that leads to my life looking like the sum of the time and effort I put into it.
What I’m listening to, reading, and eating
I joined a bookclub at a local yoga studio! This month’s read is Yoga Girl by Rachel Brathen. I figure this is going to be good prep for my yoga teacher training in November.
I finished reading Yellowface by R.F Kuang. I give it a 3/5. I actually feel like reception of this book depends on if you’re Asian or not, but I felt relatively ambivalent about it because I don’t care to read an entire book narrated by someone so despicable. It was pretty fun to read, though, in terms of plot twists and understanding the writing and publishing process. Less one star because the author clearly resembles the “envied” character in the book, and that is weird and cringey to me.
Currently reading: I’m a Fan by Sheena Patel. A former coworker posted the opening page of this book and I knew I had to give it a read. I felt personally attacked, yet seen at the same time.
Listening to: Broken Record. This podcast is hosted by 4 different interviewers who chat with big names in the music industry. I discovered it literally the day I’m writing this newsletter and I can’t wait to listen to more episodes of it.
Eating: foraged mushrooms. My boyfriend and I went foraging earlier this week to find early season puffballs, and found one! I chopped it up and put it into some pork and chive dumplings.
Planning and Plotting for September
I only foresee more hard, yet enjoyable work this next month. Half-marathon training will pick up, and then I’ll start to taper off my mileage as my race approaches in October. Now that I’ve hit publish on Open Roads, my writing schedule is obvious and being held accountable by the small audience I have on there.
As much as I hate bidding the summer farewell, I do look forward to some autumn activities: walking beside trees turning orange, red, and yellow, picking apples, baking, watching football. This is my open invitation to you— join me on any of the above, or anything I didn’t mention. Let me know if you’re around!
Still looking for a better sign off,
Julie